THE FACT IS
YOU'VE HAD IT TOO GOOD FOR TOO LONG WITH YOUR BIG FAT BUDDHA BELLIES AND YOUR CHUBBY CHEEKS AND YOUR FAT ROLLS ON YOUR ARMS AND LEGS!! I'D SAY YOU'VE
LET YOURSELVES GO, BUT YOU WERE BORN THAT WAY, WHICH MEANS THAT YOU LET YOURSELVES GO
IN THE WOMB, AND THAT'S JUST
NOT RIGHT!! SO QUIT YOUR
WHINING AND CRYING, BABIES!! DON'T GIVE ME YOUR "I CAN'T WALK BECAUSE I'M A BABY" OR "I CANT TALK BECAUSE I'M A BABY" OR "
I CAN'T READ THE POEMS OF GENGHIS KHAN IN THE ORIGINAL MONGOLIAN BECAUSE I'M A BABY!!" (IF YOU DON'T THINK POETRY IS VERY MASCULINE, YOU CLEARLY HAVEN'T READ HIS!!) AND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY,
CONTROL YOURSELVES!! I ONCE SAW A BABY EXPLODE FROM EVERY ORIFICE AT ONCE, AND WHILE THAT WAS INTERESTING FROM A
HYDRODYNAMIC PERSPECTIVE, IT WAS
DISGUSTING TO CLEAN UP!! AND THAT DOESN'T EVEN
MENTION THE SPIT!! BABIES PUT EVERYTHING IN THEIR MOUTHS. INCLUDING
NATO AND WARSAW PACT SMALL ARMS, AND THEY SLOBBER ON WHATEVER THEY CAN REACH!! THAT'S NOT "EXPLORING THE WORLD WITH YOUR MOUTH", THAT'S
SPITTING ON THE UNIVERSE, AND IF I CAN'T DO IT, NEITHER CAN YOU!!
WHAT I'M SAYING, BABIES, IS STOP BEING SUCH BABIES!! MAN UP!! PUNCH A STEAM DRILL IN THE FACE!! PUNCH JOHN HENRY IN THE FACE!! PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE FACE!! NOW GROW FACIAL HAIR AND GET A CS!!!! TATTOO ACROSS YOUR CHEST!! BETTER YET, GET IT ON THE INSIDE, SO YOUR MOM DOESN'T FREAK OUT!! NOW PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE: YOUR FACIAL HAIR. YOUR TATTOO, AND YOUR MOM!!
MAN UP, BABIES!!
