10 MORER COBRASAURUS!!!!!! FACTS

1.) COBRASAURUS!!!!!! IS THE OFFICIAL SUPPLIER OF MASCULINITY TO THE OBAMA WHITE HOUSE!! SO FAR IT HASN'T ASKED FOR ANY!!

EIGHT.) A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN NEVER WEARS BODY ARMOR IN IRAQ, WHERE HE TEACHES ORPHANS!! MASCULNE ORPHANS!! MASCULORPHANS!!

D.) "MASCULORPHANS" IS NOW A WORD YOU WILL USE!! SO SPEAKS COBRASAURUS!!!!!

VI.) A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN IS BORN SPEAKING ONE OF THE LANGUAGES OF SIBERIA!! WHEN ASKED, "WHY SIBERIA?" THE CORRECT ANSWER IS "WHY NOT?!!"

V.) A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN CAN MAKE BACON OUT OF ANYTHING, INCLUDING GIRAFFES, LIGHTNING, AND OTHER BACON!!

IV.) A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN CAN NEVER DROWN IN THE OCEAN!! IF HE EVER FALLS IN, THE OCEAN BETTER JUST BACK IT UP!!

7.) COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN NEVER FEEL PAIN!! INSTEAD, PAIN FEELS THEM, AND THEY FEEL ANGRY!!

SEPTUS.) THE REASON WE CONSUME SO MUCH MEAT IS THAT FOR A COBRASAURUS!!!!!!! MAN TO EAT, SOMETHING HAS TO DIE!!

VII,) SHOWERS ARE GOOD, BUT BOTTLING YOUR OWN MUSK AND SELLING IT FOR $5000 A POP IS EVEN BETTER!!

A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MORNING

NO ONE HAS ASKED HOW A COBRASAURUS!!!!!  MAN STARTS HIS DAY, BUT I'M GOING TO TELL YOU ANYWAY!!

I ALWAYS GET UP BEFORE DAWN, BECAUSE THE SUN DOESN'T DARE RISE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!! THEN I WAKE UP THE FAMILY WOLVERINE WITH A PUNCH IN THE FACE!! IT'S IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THAT THE WOLVERINE IS LIVESTOCK, NOT A PET!! THE REASON A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN NEEDS A WOLVERINE IS OBVIOUS: THAT'S  WHERE YOU GET WOLVERINE MILK!!

WOLVERINE MILK IS ALL I DRINK FOR ONE SIMPLE REASON!! WOLVERINES DON'T LIKE TO BE MILKED, SO IT TAKES A VERY MASCULINE MAN TO DO IT!! IT ALSO GIOES VERY WELL WITH SCOTCH BONNET CHEERIOS!! I EAT A BIG BOWL EVERY MORNING BEFORE GOING TO WORK, WHICH INVOLVES KICKING!! I KICK RAIL CARS INTO PLACE AND LEOPARDS IN THEIR IGNORANT LEOPARD THROATS!!

ONE OF THESE DAYS I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT MY EVENINGS!!

TONIGHT ON COBRASAURUS!!!!!! TV!!!

IF YOUR CABLE PROVIDER DOESN'T CARRY COBRASAURUS!!!!! TV, CALL AND DEMAND TO KNOW WHY NOT, THREATENING EVERYONE THERE WITH SEVERE BODILY DEATH IF IT DOESN'T!! BETTER YET, GO OUT AND PICK UP THE SIGNAL ON YOUR OWN RAGE!!

NINJALYMPICS -- LIKE THE OLYMPICS, BUT WITH NINJAS!!

ILLEGAL SIBERIAN BEAR-WRESTLING--- ARE THE BEARS ILLEGAL, OR IS IT THE WRESTLING?!! WHO CARES?!!

CHEF MONGKUBAT COOKS MONGOLIAN BBQ -- WITH REAL MONGOLIAINS!!

GHAZAJ, MD -- REAL TAJIK MEDICINE!! NOW WITH EVEN MORE GOATS!!

COBRASAURUS!!!!! PRESENTS MASTERPIECE THEATRE: KONG LEAR -- LIKE  KING LEAR BUT WITH GIANT APES!!

ENJOY IT OR DON'T,!

COBRASAURUS!!!!! QUOTE#1979

"AIR'S FOR SISSIES!" -- LORA BLOOM

FOR THOSE WHO ARE WONDERING, LORA BLOOM IS MY WIFE!!! THAT'S RIGHT ... EVEN MY WIFE IS MORE MASCULINE THAN MOST PEOPLE!! AND SHE'S NOT MASCULNE AT ALL!! I'VE chECKED!!

WE EAT CEREAL LIKE YOU!!!!!

IT IS TRUE THAT WE COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN EAT CEREAL JUST LIKE ANY OTHER MAN WOULD, EXCEPT.....!!

COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN HATE HIM!!

BUT REALLY!!

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE VIDEO

AND FOR THE LOVE OF DRINKING GRAVY, STOP AT 3:44!!

ON THE EVER-POPULAR WATER JUMP “THE CANNONBALL”!!

THE CANNONBALL IS WITHOUT QUESTION ONE OF THE MOST ANNOYINGLY NOTORIOUS AQUATIC INGRESSES OF ALL TIME!! EVEN SO, RARELY ARE ITS ASININE EFFECTS FELT OUTSIDE OF THE URINE-TAINTED SHALLOW END!! HOWEVER . . .

THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD!!

THAT STATEMENT IS OF COURSE, A TOWERING MOUND OF WARM BULL HOCKEY!!

UNLESS . . .

HOW MUCH DOES INTEREST COUNT TOWARD COBRASAURUS!!!!!NESS?!!

A PROMISING CANDIDATE, DANIEL GRAIG, HAS EXPRESSED HIS GREAT BRITISH INTEREST IN BEING RECOGNIZED AS AN OFFICIAL COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN!!

ASK A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN #3!!

STEVE P. OF HAMILTON, CA ASKS:

"WHO'S CRYIN' NOW?"

ANSWER:

SINCE I DIDN'T GET FIRED FROM MY BAND IN FAVOR OF A SOUND-ALIKE, I'M GUESSING YOU ARE!! BESIDES, A COBRASAURUS!!!!!! MAN NEVER CRIES!! HE SHOOTS HOT CARBOLIC ACID AND .50-CAL. BULLETS FROM HIS EYES!!