WILL THE REAL COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN PLEASE STAND UP!! (THAT WAS NOT A QUESTION)!!

IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE, SO HERE’S A TEST FOR ALL YOU MICROSOFT WANNABE TYPES OUT THERE – PICK THE REAL LIFE COBRASAURUS MAN!!

HOW'S ABOUT THAT ANSWER?!!

PREPARE TO BE MOONED BY A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN!!

AND WHEN A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN MOONS YOU ...

COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN OF THE WEEK!!

COBRASAURUS!!!!! DOES NOT HAND OUT WEEKLY AWARDS FOR COBRASAURUS!!!!!NESS - IT IS EXPECTED!! BUT ON SOME OCCASIONS EVEN A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN STANDS HEAD AND SHOULDERS ABOVE HIS PEERS (THAT IS ANKLES AND FEET HAIR ABOVE REGULAR MEN)!!

ASK A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN!! #4XPT

BENJAMIN ORZECHOWSKI OF LAKEWOOD, OH ASKS:

"WHO'S GONNA DRIVE YOU HOME TONIGHT?"

RAISING A COBRASAURUS!!!!! LEGACY!!

DON’T STARE TOO LONG!! THEIR YOUNG COBRASAURUS!!!!! AWESOMENESS IS ABLE TO BLIND THE ORDINARY MAN!! WITH A SWIFT YANK ON THE CHAIN OF SUBMISSION, THIS BEAST IS BROUGHT TO ITS KNEES!! ONCE THE KING OF THE JUNGLE, HE IS NOW ONLY RANK AND FILE AMONG THE COBRASAURUS!!!!! CONQUERED!!! AND THIS CHAIN SERVES TO REMIND MANKIND THAT A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN DOES THINGS HIS OWN WAY – BECAUSE HIS DNA SAYS HE CAN!!! AS YOU CONTEMPLATE YOUR INADEQUACY, THESE CHOSEN ONES, ORDAINED FOR FUTURE COBRASAURUS!!!!! LEGEND, ARE BUSY READING YOUR MIND!!! SO MOVE ALONG, COMMON MAN, THAT PIZZA HUT DINNER BOX ISN’T GONNA EAT ITSELF!!

A NEW COBRASAURIAN!!!!! ARISES IN THE WEST!!

WELCOME ABOARD THE NEWEST COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN, BOBBY "AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A WEST COAST PARTY 'CAUSE A WEST COAST PARTY'S GOT MACHINE-GUN VOLCANOS!!" HANSON!!  BOBBY LIVES IN CALIFORNIA, A STATE WITH MORE WAYS FOR NATURE TO KILL YOU THAN ANY OTHER!!

WE HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY THAT BOBBY IS NOT RELATED TO NOTED SKIRT-WEARIN' FAIRY-MARYS AND ALLEGED "BAND" HANSON, BUT IN FACT ATE THEM ALL IN ORDER TO ABSORB THEIR POWERS!!  WE KEEP HIM IN CALI, BECAUSE IF HE WERE ANY CLOSER WE'D REACH A CRITICAL MASS OF MASCULINITY AND WIPE OUT LIFE AS WE KNOW IT!!

HAIL COBRASAURUS!!!!!

WARNING!!!

HEY, REGULAR MAN!!! WHILE YOU SLUMBERED RESTLESSLY ON A TINY BELLY FULL OF CHEESECAKE FACTORY FETTUCCINE AND SALAD (WITH LIGHT DRESSING), DREAMING OF A VEGETARIAN UTOPIA…THIS REALITY WAS BUSY ENCROACHING UPON YOUR MEAGER EXISTENCE FROM THE SKIES ABOVE!!! UNBRIDLED!!! LIKE FALCON TO FALCONER, ITS LOYALTIES RUN TRUE AND DEEP!!! THE COBRASAURUS!!!!! CARRIER PIGEON TAKES NO PRISONERS!!! TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK…!!!

COBRASAURUS!!!!! TIP FOR COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN!! #4

A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN WOULD NEVER BE A DOG GROOMER ...

ASK A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN!!: #00001111

GENE V. DEBS OF MOSCOW, ID ASKS:
WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING?!!

COBRASAURUS!!!!! TIP FOR COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN!! #156415

A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN DOESN'T NEED A WATCH ...

COBRASAURUS!!!!! MOVIE REVIEW #555

BILL AND TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE 3:  LAVA HELL IS NOT A GOOD FILM!!  THAT, OF COURSE, DOESN'T MATTER!!  WHAT MATTERS ISN'T QUALITY, BUT COBRASAURUS!!!!!NESS ... WHICH THIS PITIFUL "SEQUEL" LACKS LIKE JELLYFISH LACK FIREARMS!!

THE SECOND-MOST COBRASAURUS!!!!! NATION ON EARTH!!

THERE HAVE BEEN ANY NUMBER OF EYE-'SPLODINGLY MASCULINE COUNTRIES IN THE HISTORY OF THIS, THE MOST COBRASAURUS!!!!! OF ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS!!  BUT WHICH IS THE MOST STEGO-DREADULOUS OF THEM ALL?!!

A COBRASAURAUS!!!!! MAN'S BEST FRIEND!!

THE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE TO DAINTILY WALK YOUR SHIVERING MINIATURE CHIHUAHUA DOWN THE STREET, SCOOPING UP ITS PRECIOUS WARM LEAVINGS INTO YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE PLASTIC LEAVINGS SACK, REMEMBER WHILE YOU ARE THERE IN THE MURKY DEPTHS OF YOUR EMASCULINITY HOW A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN WALKS HIS COAL-BLACK CARNIVOROUS COURSE-HAIRED CUR-NINE WITH A HELICOPTER, AND BE UTTERLY MORTIFIED BY YOUR OWN SELF-INDUCED JETWASH INTO WO-MANLINESS!!

10 MORE COBRASAURUS!!!!! FACTS!!

IN HIS NEVER-ENDING SEARCH FOR KNOWLEDGE, WISDOM, AND LIGHTNING-FLAVORED SPACE-BACON, THE COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN HAS LEARNED THAT NOTHING SATISFIES LIKE MASTERING EVERY ASPECT OF COBRASAURUS!!!!! LORE!!

EXCEPT LIGHTNING-FLAVORED SPACE-BACON!!  HOWEVER, WE'D SOONER FACE DOWN THE COAL-BURNING JAWS OF THE HOARY HOUNDS OF CHUCK-E-CHEESE HELL THAN GIVE UP OUR SPACE-BACON, SO BE HAPPY WE'VE THROWN YOU THESE TEN (MORE!!) ATOMIC RAZOR-STUDDED MAN-FACTS!!:

CIVIL WAR COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN COLLECTION: VOLUME 1 NO. 987 WTS

TRUE, HE WAS A NO-GOOD, LOW-DOWN, YANKEE AND NORTHERN AGGRESSOR, AND SOUTHERNERS WILL HATE HIS BLUE BELLIED GUTS BEYOND ETERNITY, BUT SHERMAN ECLIPSED TODAY’S PALTRY EXCUSE FOR “MANLINESS” IN THE SAME WAY LIGHT GIVEN OFF BY A NUCLEAR EXPLOSION OUTSHINES THE SPARK MADE BY A SNOTTY-NOSED KID INSERTING BOOGERIZED TWEEZERS INTO AN ELECTRICAL OUTLET!!

ASK A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN!!: LIGHTNING ROUND!!

COBRASAURUS!!!!! APPROVED CHICK FLICK!! THELMA AND LOUISE: PART II... ZOMBIE STYLE!!

THERE ARE INDEED A SELECT FEW CHICK FLICKS THAT EARN THE COVETED STATUS OF COBRASAURUS!!!!! APPROVED!! A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN DOES NOT WATCH FORBIDDEN CHICK FLICKS, BUT HE IS WELL WITHIN HIS BOUNDLESS SPHERE OF TESTOSTERONIOUSNESS TO WACTH ONE OF THE COBRASAURUS!!!!! APPROVED CHICK FLICKS WITH HIS LAVA-HOT WOMAN!!

1000!!

COBRASAURUS!!!!! JUST TOPPED 1000 PAGEVIEWS!!

WHAT, ARE YOU CELEBRATING?!!  1000 IS 0.00001% OF WHAT IT SHOULD BE!!  YOU KNOCK-KNEED YOGURT-SNIFFERS NEED TO GET THE WORD OUT, AND THE WORD IS "COBRASAURUS!!!!!"!!

GET TO WORK ... MEGADIESELTHNUNDERWORK!!

ASK A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN!! #1970!!

QUESTION!!:

LATELY I'VE HAD AN UNCONTROLLABLE URGE TO GO TO BIKER BARS AND SING JAMES TAYLOR SONGS UNTIL SOMEONE KILLS ME WITH FIERY METAL DEATH.  SHOULD I DO IT?

ANSWER!!:

WHILE YOUR TASTE IN MUSIC IS APPALLING AND MAKES COBRASAURUS!!!!! WANT TO KICK YOUR STERNUM SO HARD IT ORBITS URANUS, I ADMIRE YOUR SHEER UNDAUNTED IDIOTIC MONGOLOID COURAGE!!  BE ASSURED THAT SHOULD YOU CARRY THROUGH WITH THIS ODDLY SENSITIVE DEATHWISH OF YOURS, COBRASAURUS!!!!! WILL PROVIDE ALE AND MOURNING SKALDS FOR YOUR VIKING FUNERAL!!

THE WAKE OF COBRASAURUS!!!!!NESS!!

A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN LEAVES A WAKE LIKE AN F5 TORNADO RIDING A BIPOLAR RHINOCEROS WITH SCANT BLADDER CONTROL WEARING A NUCLEAR SHOCK COLLAR RUNNING BACKWARDS THROUGH THE LOUVRE!! 

ASK A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN!! #33.33333333333333333333333333...

QUESTION!!:

MY WIFE AND I ARE EXPECTING OUR FIRST SON, AND WE CAN'T DECIDE ON A GOOD NAME.  WE'VE NARROWED IT DOWN TO EITHER "GAYLORD" OR "ADOLF".  WHICH WOULD BE THE MORE COBRASAURUS!!!!! NAME?