THE JOBS WE DO!!

WELL OVER TWO PEOPLE HAVE ASKED WHAT KIND OF JOB A REAL MAN -- A COBRASAURUS!!!!!! MAN -- SHOULD HAVE!! THE PROBLEM WITH THAT IS THAT I CAN'T TELL YOU!! THERE ARE COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN EVERYWHERE, FROM FREE-DIVING FOR CRABS IN THE BERING SEA TO BEING KING OF JUPITER!!! BESIDES, A REAL COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN WOULDN'T LISTEN ANYWAY!!! HE's TOO BUSY BACKHANDING HISTORY TO THE BEAT OF A DIFFERENT HOWITZER TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE OPENING OF ANYONE'S MOUTH, EVEN MINE!!

I CAN TELL YOU WHAT WE DO, THOUGH!! THERE ARE FOUR OF US SO FAR AT COBRASAURUS!!!!!, AND WE'VE EACH FOUND OUR OWN AUTOBAHN AWAY FROM MEDIOCRITY!! 

CHARLES, WHOSE FIRST NAME IS JUANITA, CRUSHES ROCKS!! BEFORE YOU OBJECT THAT EVERY CON IN LEAVENWORTH DOES THAT, I'M GOING TO OBJECT THAT THEY DON'T DO IT LIKE HE DOES: WITH HIS FACE!! ONE SMACK FROM HIS DIAMONDLIKE FACE AND ROCKS CRUMBLE TO DUST!! SOMETIMES HE JUST STARES AT THEM AND THEY CRUMBLE FROM SHEER ANTICIPATION!!

BOBBY, WHOSE FIRST NAME IS ABIGAIL, WHO LIVES ALL THE WAY IN CALIFORNY, IS A MYSTERY TO ME!! ALL I KNOW IS HE LIVES IN CALIFORNIA, AND CALIFORNIA HASN'T FALLEN INTO THE OCEAN!! YOU DO THE MATH!!

GREG, WHOSE FIRST NAME IS TAMMY, IS TEACHING HIS SONS TO MINE THE ASTEROIDS!! HE MINED MERCURY, VENUS, AND MARS ALREADY BY HIMSELF, AND HE'S TIRED OF HOLDING HIS BREATH!! FORTUNATELY, THE BOYS WERE COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN FROM THE WOMB, BORN WITH BEARDS ON THEIR FACES AND PICKS IN THEIR HANDS!! THEIR MASCULINE HANDS!!

CHRIS, WHOSE FIRST NAME IS LESLIE, WORKS IN A TRAINYARD, KICKING RAIL CARS INTO PLACE!! HE ALSO KICKS LEOPARDS IN THE THROAT, BUT ONLY IF THEY ASK FOR IT, WHICH THEY USUALLY DO BY INFESTING HIS BOXCARS!! BUT, YOU MAY ASK, HOW MANY CARS COULD BE INFESTED WITH LEOPARDS?!! YOU'D BE SURPRISED!!

AND THAT IS HOW FOUR EXTRAORDINARILY MASCULINE COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN (OR "DEMIGODS") FEED THEIR FAMILIES, EACH OF WHICH IS TOUGHER THAN A 900-FT. ORAL ROBERTS!!

ASK A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN #4!!

IMOGENE C. OF DIRTFARM, NM ASKS:

WHY ARE COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN SO HANDSOME?

WE AT COBRASAURUS!!!!! DON'T LIKE TO BLOW OUR OWN HORNS!! THAT'S WHAT GOD GAVE US WHALES FOR!! HOWEVER, IT WOULD BE USELESS TO DENY THE FACT THAT WE'RE JUST BETTER-LOOKING THAN OTHERS !!

I THINK YOU'RE JUST REACTING TO THE SHEER MASCULNITY YOU CAN FEEL ROLLING OFF A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN LIKE A DUCK DRINKING GRAVY FROM A FIRE HOSE!! (REMEMBER THAT A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN ISN'T AFRAID OF MIXED METAPHORS!! WE'RE NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING!!)

THAT EXPLAINS THE BEARDS, TOO!!! AFTER ALL, A BEARD IS JUST MASCULNITY OUTRUNNING YOUR FACE!! WHETHER YOU WEAR YOURS ON THE OUTSIDE ON THE INSIDE, IT MUST BE DEALT WITH!! LIKE OUR MASCULNITY!! WHICH IS WHY WE'RE SO HANDSOME!!

NEXT QUESTION!!