10 FACTS YOU WON'T LEARN ANYWHERE ELSE!!

COBRASAURUS!!!!! SHOULD BE YOUR ONLY SOURCE OF NEWS, BECAUSE ONLY COBRASAURUS!!!!! ISN'T AFRAID TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING, INCLUDING THE THINGS WE JUST MADE UP!! IN FACT, IT SHOULD PROBABLY BE YOUR ONLY SOURCE OF INFORMATION!!

1!!. THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF ELKVILLE, MANITOBA MIGHT BE MADE OF CILANTRO!! OR IT MIGHT NOT!! WE JUST DON'T KNOW!!

B!!.. COBRASAURUS!!!!! IS THE SAME IN EVERY LANGUAGE, INCLUDING BASQUE, URDU, AND THE LANGUAGES OF ALL NEW GUINEAN TRIBES!! IT EVEN SOUNDS THE SAME IN SIGN LANGUAGE AND THE FUTURE!!

MCMIX!!. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DINOSAURS!!? NOTHING!! YOU'RE JUST IN DENIAL!!

SIX!!. IF YOU GO TO A REMOTE VILLAGE IN BOTSWANA AND TELL THEM THAT YOU'RE A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN, YOU CAN STILL EXPECT TWO THINGS: RESPECT AND TESTING!! YOU HAVE TO PROVE YOU'RE WORTHY OF CALLING YOURSELF THAT!! ACCEPTABLE PROOFS INCLUDE STARING DOWN AN ELEPHANT, PULLING THE HEART FROM AN ATTACKING LION, FORCING A GABOON VIPER TO PUNCH A BUFFALO IN THE EYE WITH JUST YOUR WILL, AND THROWING A RHINOCEROS!! 

11!!. DON'T TEACH YOUR KIDS THOSE THINGS ON THEIR FACES ARE CALLED NOSES!! TELL THEM THEY'RE SNOUTS INSTEAD!!

C!!. COBRASAURUS!!!!! HAS HAD A WEBSITE SINCE 1691, BUT DIDN'T FIND ANYONE MASCULINE ENOUGH TO TALK TO UNTIL A FEW YEARS AGO!!

OCHO!!. CHUCK NORRIS WAS EATEN BY BRIAN BLESSED!! TWICE!!

It's bad enough to face this once.

VII. THERE IS A FEMALE COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN!! THAT WOMAN WHO USED TO SING FOR ARCH ENEMY LOOKED LIKE SHE COULD EAT A LIVE WOLVERINE AND SOUNDED LIKE SHE HAD!!

SYV!!.  THE BEST NINJAS AREN'T JAPANESE, BUT BULGARIAN!! YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF BULGARIAN NINJAS!!? THAT'S RIGHT!!

7. COBRASAURUS!!!!! IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!! IT DOESN'T WANT TO MEET YOUR WIFE OR DATE YOUR DAUGHTER!! COBRASAURUS!!!!! WILL KILL YOU WITH THERMONUCLEAR DINOSAUR FIRE!! MADE OF WEREWOLVES!!

REMEMBER, COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN ARE LIKE ICE CREAM CONES!! WOMEN WANT THEM, AND MEN WANT TO BE THROWN INTO THE GRAND CANYON BY THEM!!