THE MOST COBRASAURUS!!!!! NATION OF ALL!!

WELL OVER NO PEOPLE HAVE ASKED ME OVER THE YEARS WHAT THE MOST COBRASAURUS!!!!!! NATION ON EARTH IS!! AFTER ALL, THE MONGOLS WERE ONLY #2, AND WHO COULD BE TOUGHER THAN THE MONGOLS??

That question is not as good as you might think.

THERE WAS ONLY ONE COUNTRY THAT COULD COMPARE UNTIL I SAW THAT PICTURE!! NOW THERE ARE ABOUT 40!! BUT THE ONE AT #1 IS PROBABLY NOT ONE YOU WOULD GUESS!!

 

Probably not, but as long as it doesn't involve Mongols in Speedos I'm okay.

AND IT'S NONE OF THE USUAL SUSPECTS EITHER!! IT'S NOT AMERICA OR RUSSIA!! IT'S NOT CHINA OR AUSTRALIA!! IT'S NOT BLAUSTRALIA, WHICH I JUST MADE UP!! AND IT'S NOT GERMANY!! AS NEAR AS I CAN TELL, THOSE PEOPLE JUST SPEND THEIR TIME COMING UP WITH WEIRD EXPERIMENTS INVOLVING CATS!!

If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times: I don't need no lip from no cat in a box.

NO, THE MQST COBRASAURUS!!!!! NATION THAT'S EVER EXISTED WAS A FEW TEA-SIPPERS ON A SMALL ISLAND WHO NEARLY RULED THE WORLD!! AND THEY DID IT LOOKING LIKE THIS:

To be fair, only the popular kids got to dress this way.

THAT'S RIGHT!!  EVEN THOUGH ITS CITIZENS ARE UPTIGHT, INVENTED CRICKET, AND OFTEN SOUND HOMOSEXUAL, THE MOST COBRASAURUS!!!!! NATION OF ALL TIME IS THE UK!!

I was going to show a map of the British Empire, but this lion ate it. Just assume they were your overlords at some point.

BUT, YOU MIGHT ASK, WHAT MAKES THEM SO VERY MASCULINE THAT THEY HAVE THE TOP SPOT?!! WELL, ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT THEY CAN ALL BREATHE FIRE (THAT'S ACTUALLY DRAGONS) AND CLOSE THE PROTECTIVE SHELLS OVER THEIR EYES (THAT'S ACTUALLY NOTHING), THE BRITISH HAVE BEEN AT WAR WITH ALMOST EVERYBODY!!

P

The countries in white haven't been invaded by the British yet, but Chad's been asking for it.

AND THEY WIN A LOT MORE THAN THEY LOSE!! THEY EVEN CONQUERED THE SCOTS, AND THOSE PEOPLE GOT NAKED AND PAINTED THEMSELVES BLUE JUST TO HANDICAP THEMSELVES!!

"Uhh ... och aye, that's why we did it. Hoot mon." (Note: this man is not Scottish.)

AND THEY RULED IRELAND, WHICH HAS OTHERWISE ONLY BEEN DONE BY ALCOHOL!!

There are 29 drunks in this picture. I only found 14. How many can you find?

AND If THAT WEREN'T ENOUGH, IT WAS THE ONLY COUNTRY IN EUROPE TO STARE DOWN HITLER!! AND THEY DID IT WITH A GUY WHO LOOKED LIKE HE WORKED AT A WAL-MART IN TULSA!!

He actually worked at a Tesco's in Sudbury.

AND LEST WE FORGET:

You're welcome, weirdos.

WHO KNEW YOU COULD EVEN GET SPEEDOS WITH LONG SLEEVES?!!

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And that's how my last post on CS!!!!! ends. Not with a bang or a whimper, but with a couple of mostly-naked Mongolian wrestlers. I know you'd expect no less from COBRASAURUS!!!!!!, and no less from me.

This all has been a parody of hypermasculinity, ūbermanliness taken to a ridiculous extreme and then some. But what is real masculinity? (I know nobody asked, but this is the serious part.) I've thought about it, and I think there are three things a real man does:

1. Keeps his word 

2. Takes responsibility 

3. Does what needs doing 

It doesn't matter what you look like, what you drive, or what you do for a living. All those things can be taken from you in a second. Character can't.

And that's all I've got. Just remember:

IF LIFE HAD A FACE, COBRASAURUS!!!!! WOULD PUNCH IT IN THE NECK!!