ASK A COBRASAURUS!!!! MAN #62

James W. OF WOONSOCKET, RI ASKS: 

WHAT EXACTLY IS A LASER MULE, ANYWAY?

ANSWER!!: 

THATS A QUESTION THAT GOES RIGHT TO THE HEART OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A COBRASAURUS!!!!!!! MAN!! HOWEVER, SINCE YOU DON'T KNOW, YOU MUST BE A SKIRT-WEARIN' FAIRY-MARY, AND I'M NOT GOING TO ANSWER IT!!

COBRASAURUS!!!!! TIP FOR COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN #8!!

SOME SCIENTISTS THINK THAT SUGAR MAY BE LINKED TO HEART DISEASE!!  BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S NEVER BEEN LINKED TO HEART DISEASE?!!

SPRINKLING LIVE WATER MOCCASINS ON YOUR CEREAL!!

IT AIN'T EASY BEING A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN!!

Having forgotten to ask permission first,

the sun just rose on a world of hurt.

BEING A COBRASAURUS!!!!!! MAN'S NOT AN EASY JOB, BUT IT NEEDS DOING!! BESIDES, THE OCEAN'S NOT GOING TO PUNCH ITSELF IN THE STOMACH!! NOT EVEN BILLY OCEAN WILL DO THAT!! DO YOU THINK I LIKE WAKING UP THE FAMILY WOLERINE EVERY MORNING BY ATTACKING ITS FACE?!! ACTUALLY, I DO!! DO YOU THINK I GET SOME KIND OF PLEASURE FROM PUTTING A FULL NELSON ON THE SUN FOR A LITTLE TOO LIPPY?!! AGAIN, OF COURSE I DO!! DO I SOMEHOW ENJOY PUNCHING LEOPARDS IN THEIR IGNORANT LEOPARD THROATS?!! BOY HOWDY I DO!! BUT IT'S STILL A JOB!! AND IT'S NOT A MATTER OF FINDING SOMEONE WHO WILL DO IT, BUT OF FINDING SOMEONE WHO CAN!!

SCIENCE DISCOVERS A NEW KIND OF WOLVERINE!!

Looks like every other wolverine 'round here.

WHAT SETS THIS SUBSPECIES APART IS ITS DIET: IT ONLY EATS OTHER WOLVERINES!! THAT SAID, THERE WAS ONLY ONE NAME FOR IT!!

BEHOLD!! THE COBRASAURUS!!!!! WOLERINE!!

ASK A COBRASAURUS!!!!!! MAN #413!!

DAVID G. OF WIDDLESBY-ON-THE-MARSH, ENGLAND ASKS:

I LOVE EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HORNETS, BUT I'M NOT SURE IF I'M MASCULINE ENOUGH FOR BLOWOUT. IS THERE A BLOWOUT LITE I COULD TRY?

ANSWER!!:

NO THERE'S NOT A BLOWOUT LITE YOU COULD TRY!! THE WAY TO TELL IF YOU'RE MASCULINE ENOUGH TO TAKE BLOWOUT IS TO TAKE IT!! IF YOU SURVIVE THE EXPERIENCE, YOU'RE MASCULINE ENOUGH!!

IF YOU HAVE TO WORK YOUR WAY UP TO THE REAL STUFF, THERE ARE DOUBTLESS MANY PRODUCTS MARKETED TO WOMEN IN TASTEFUL PINK BOXES THAT WILL MATCH YOUR FRILLY LACEY DRESS PERFECTLY!!!

AND I CHECKED, DAVID: YOU MAY LOVE EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HORNETS, BUT THEY DON'T LIKE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!

DAVID EVEN SENT A PICTURE, PRESUMABLY OF HIMSELF, THOUGH IT COULD BE PRINCESS DI FOR ALL I KNOW!!:

This is how it feels to stare 

Into the cold, dead eyes 

of a skirt-wearin' fairy-mary.

COBRASAURUS!!!!! WHAT IF #99!!

WHAT IF AMERICA HAD BEEN DISCOVERED BY A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN!!?

IT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED A LOT SOONER AND A LOT FASTER, AND IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN NAMED AFTER SOME ITALIAN MAPMAKER, EITHER!! IT WOULD HAVE A MASCULINE NAME, LIKE RAY OR ED!! ALSO, OUR NATIONAL BIRD WOULD BE A FIRE-BREATHING LASER MULE WITH AXE FEET!!

COBRASAURUS!!!!! QUOTE #172C!!

"I DREAM OF A WORLD WHERE WOMEN CAN DO ANYTHING MEN CAN DO. THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO." -- TIM ALLEN

I'M NOT A FAN OF TIMOTHY ALLEN DICK, BUT AS THE FATHER OF DAUGHTERS I REALLY LIKE THIS!!