THE SECOND-MOST COBRASAURUS!!!!! NATION ON EARTH!!

THERE HAVE BEEN ANY NUMBER OF EYE-'SPLODINGLY MASCULINE COUNTRIES IN THE HISTORY OF THIS, THE MOST COBRASAURUS!!!!! OF ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS!!  BUT WHICH IS THE MOST STEGO-DREADULOUS OF THEM ALL?!!

[IF A STEGO-DREADULOUS A PLACE HAD A FACE, THIS WOULD EAT IT!!]

HERE AT COBRASAURUS!!!!!, WE KNOW THAT QUESTIONS ARE JUST ANSWERS THAT HAVEN'T BEEN BEATEN WITH PROMETHIUM MALLETS YET!!  SO LET'S USE OUR HYPER-DENSE MAN-CRANIUMS AND BEAT THAT ANSWER OUT OF EXISTENCE!!

FIRST, LET'S GET THE OBVIOUS QUESTION OUT OF THE WAY:  NO, AMERICA IS NOT THE MOST COBRASAURUS!!!!! NATION THAT HAS EVER EXISTED!!  IT'S NOT EVEN IN THE TOP 10!!  YOU KNOW WHY?!!  BECAUSE OF THIS!!:

[AMERICANS ALLOW THIS TO LIVE IN AMERICA!!]

RUSSIA IS ALSO NOT COBRASAURUS!!!!! ENOUGH, BECAUSE IT ALLOWED ITSELF TO GET ITS BORSCHT-SIPPIN', VODKA-SLURPIN' BUTT KICKED BY THAT!!  NEITHER IS ISRAEL, BECAUSE ANY NATION FOUNDED ON THE NOTION THAT GOD HATES BACON IS THE ENEMY!!

GERMANY IS NOT COBRASAURUS!!!!! DUE TO ITS UNFORTUNATE HABIT OF STARTING WARS IT CANNOT WIN!!

[I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS IS, BUT I KNOW GERMANY SCREWED IT UP!!]

THE IRISH COME CLOSE ... THEY'RE SO NEARLY COBRASAURUS!!!!! THAT GOD HAD TO INVENT ALCOHOL JUST TO KEEP THEM DOWN!!

[GOD LOADS HIS SIX-SHOOTER AND CALLS THE WEE GINGER BUGGERS OUT!!]

IN THE END, THOUGH, IT ALL COMES DOWN TO TWO PLANET-STRADDLING GARGANTULORDS!!  THE FIRST IS MONGOLIA, THE EMPTIEST PLACE ON EARTH!!

[NOTHING ON THIS MAP ACTUALLY EXISTS.]

MONGOLIA IS A HUGE COUNTRY SANDWICHED BETWEEN TWO HUGER COUNTRIES AND OCCUPIED BY THREE UBER-MEN, 12 MILLION HORSES, AND ENOUGH TESTOSTERONE TO LAUNCH THE WHOLE THING INTO ORBIT!!

THE TWO HUGER COUNTRIES ARE CHINA AND RUSSIA, WHICH ONLY EXIST BECAUSE MONGOLIA ALLOWS IT!!  THE MONGOLS CONQUERED THEM BOTH BACK WHEN THINGS GOT  A LITTLE BORING IN THE 1200S!!  IN FACT,BACK THEN THE MONGOLS CONQUERED THE ENTIRE WORLD, INCLUDING KOREA, IRAN, AND YOUR MOTHER!!

[NOT SHOWN:  YOUR MOTHER!!]

AND THEY DID IT LOOKING LIKE THIS:

["FANCY DAN" ALTANKHUYAG:  DRESSED TO KILL!!]

ADMIT IT:  IF YOU SAW A THUNDERING HALF-DOZEN OF THESE HELL-PEACOCKS OF FIERY SPEAR-DEATH COMING AT YOU, YOU'D BE PROUD TO DIE GURGLING ON THE RAZOR-SHARP SWORDS ... OR THEIR RAZOR-SHARP CREASES!!

[SERIOUSLY, IT'S LIKE 'PIMP MY RIDE', BUT THE RIDES ARE HORSES THAT'VE TRAMPLED ASIA!!]

FOR RELAXATION, MONGOLS DRINK HORSE BLOOD AND WRESTLE WORLD LEADERS WHILE DECKED OUT IN MASCULINE LINGERIE!!

[DAYS LATER, BIDEN PASSED FROM THE WARRIOR-KING'S COLON A WISER, STRONGER MAN!!]

BUT THE FACT IS THAT THESE UNCONQUERABLE DEMIURGES ARE ONLY THE SECOND-MOST COBRASAURUS!!!!! NATION ON EARTH!!

TO BE COBRACONTINUED!!!!!