COBRASAURUS!!!!! TIP FOR COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN!! #223-B!!

SOME RIDE TO LIVE!!  SOME LIVE TO RIDE!!

WHO YOU CALLIN’ VIOLENT?!!

COBRASAURUS!!!!! IS TAKING THIS SISSY PLANET BY STORM, AND THE SISSIES ARE HAVING FEMI-MAXIMUM SISSYFITS ABOUT IT!! THEY SAY, “IT’S TOO BRUTISH… IT’S TOO INSENSITIVE… IT’S TOO VIRILE…!!” JUST BECAUSE COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN HAVE A WHEELBARROW OF STEAMING HOT ASPHALT WHERE THE SISSY TYPE’S FEMINE SIDE RESIDES DOESN’T MEAN THAT WE ARE PRONE TO VIOLENCE!! AS A MATTER OF FACT, VIOLENCE IS ALWAYS A LAST RESORT, AFTER EXPLOSIONS, AXES, LASERS, HAMMERS, SHARKS IN NEED OF ANGER MANAGEMENT, NUCLEAR TIPPED FISTS, COBRA-TIPPED COBRAS, INDIAN BURNS, POTTED MEAT, AND GANDHI-ISM!!

OH YEAH, WE’RE ALL INTO SOME GANDHI!! OF COURSE, HE WASN’T A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN BY A LONGSHOT, BUT HE WAS A STANDUP DUDE SPORTING SOME LEAD FISTS WITH PIRANHA FANGS!! HE ONCE BEAT A PIRATE UNCONSCIOUS WITH HIS OWN TREASURE CHEST!! HE ONCE PUNCHED OSAMA BIN LADIN SO HARD IN THE ADAM'S APPLE THAT HE GREW A TAIL!! HE EVEN PUNCHED A SCUD MISSILE IN ITS SOVIET EXPORTED ROCKET FACE!! AND SOMEWHERE IN THE UNWRITTEN COBRASAURUS!!!!! CODE IT SAYS, “FIRST, BEAT ‘EM DOWN GANDHI-STYLE – THEN, VIOLENCE!!" THERE’S YOUR PROOF YOU SKIRT-WEARIN’ FARY MARYS… WE LOVE PEACE - BUT IF YOU QUOTE US ON THAT YOU WILL BE TORN INTO MINCED QUASI-MALE SHARK CHUM FOR DERANGED MINNOWS AND FED TO A METROSEXUAL'S PET SEA MOKEYS!!

COBRASAURUS!!!!! BOOK CLUB!!: PUNISHMENT!!!!!

IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF THE MOST SPLEEN-GRATINGLY INTELLECTUAL ROCKET SURGERY KNOWN TO MAN OR DEFORMED BEAST, THE COBRASAURUS!!!!! BOOK CLUB!!  GET READY TO LOSE YOUR HEARING BUT GAIN ULTRAMENTAL HYPERPOWERS!!

HISTORICAL COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN FROM HISTORY!! #1

FROM TIME TO TIME, WE HERE AT COBRASAURUS!!!!! WANT TO SPOTLIGHT A FIGURE FROM HISTORY WHO EPITOMIZES ALL THAT IS COBRASAURUS!!!!! IN THE WORLD!!  THERE WAS ONLY ONE CHOICE FOR TODAY'S INSTALLMENT OF HISTORICAL COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN FROM HISTORY:

A LITTLE SOMETHIN' FOR YOUR STOCKIN'!!!

WHILE WE HERE AT COBRASAURUS!!!!! STRIVE TO PROVIDE THE NECESSARY MATERIALS TO BUILD QUIVERING NANCY-BOYS INTO PLANET-STRADDLING COBRASAURUS!!!!! COLOSSI, WE DO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT SOMETIMES A MAN'S MOST BASE DESIRES MUST NEEDS BE INDULGED!!

SO LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS, BLINDFOLD YOUR UBER-SONS, AND SEND YOUR WIVES TO THE MEAT HOWITZER TO TIG-WELD YOU A SAMMICH!!  IT'S ABOUT TO GET RAW UP IN HERE!!  AS IN NSFW!!!!!

A CALCULATED COBRASAURUS!!!!! RESPONSE; PART JM6!!

THE SCENARIO:!!

IN KEEPING WITH POPULAR QUASI-MALE TRADITION, A JOVIAL, BEARDED MAN SOMEHOW MANAGES TO ENTER YOUR THERMONUCLEAR COBRASAURUS!!!!! CAVE WITHOUT YOUR EXPRESSED WRITTEN CONSENT VIA THE COOLING TOWER!!

WHAT DO YOU DO?!!

ANSWER #1:!!   A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN’S TYPICAL, CALCULATED RESPONSE WOULD BE TO SUMMON ALL THE SPIKEY LITTLE WARHAMMERS FLOWING IN HIS RADIOACTIVE, PHOSPHORESCENT BLOOD, DISPATCH THEM TO HIS PREFERRED SCAB-AND-CALLOUS ENCRUSTED SLEDGE-FIST ALREADY BEGINNING ITS FACE-MASSACRE SORTIE, AND HYPERDRIVE SAID SLEDGE-FIST INTO OLD ST. NAUGHTY LIST’S HAIRY MUSH WITH ULTRA-EXTREME PREJUDICE UNTIL THE SOOTHING SOUNDS OF INTRUDER CRACKLING CUSPIDS FILL THE COMPOUND!!

THE COBRASAURUS!!!!! BRAND!!

YOU’VE SEEN AROUND: ON WANTED POSTERS, ON THE BACKS OF THE BADDEST BIKER JACKETS, ETCHED INTO THE SURFACE OF THE DARKSIDE OF THE MOON – IT’S THE OFFICIAL COBRASAURUS!!!!! BRAND!!

IT IS A THING OF BEAUTY, A SIGHT TO BEHOLD… A MASTERPIECE INDEED!! WE MAY BE ROUGH AND DIRTY SPACE-WOODSMAN-JACKANAUTS THAT DON’T WEAR UNDERWEAR, BUT WE’RE ARTISITIC!! PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW, WHAT DO THE ELEMENTS SYMBOLIZE?!!

HERE’S THE ANSWER: THEY DON’T MEAN NOTHING, JACK!! C’MON, ANY REAL MAN WITH THE HALF THE TESTOSTERBONES OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN COULD FIGURE OUT THE FORMULA:

EXPLOSION + FIST HAMMER + RAILROAD SPIKES = ULTRAMANTOPIA!!

BUT IF YOU NEED IT TO ‘SYMBOLIZE’ SOMETHING, LET’S JUST SAY IT SYMBOLIZES THE IMMINENT AND VIOLENT EXTERMINATION OF WORLD SISSYNESS, METROSEXUALNESS, AND FEMININE QUASI-MALENESS!!