THE STATEMENT READS:
"MR. NORRIS REGRETS THE DECISION OF COBRASAURUS!!!!! TO RELEASE THIS PHOTOGRAPH, AND TO DENY HIS APPLICATION TO JOIN THIS AUGUST BODY. HE APOLOGIZES FOR THE PAIN AND SUFFERING THIS WILL CAUSE BOTH OF HIS FANS, BUT EXPRESSES RELIEF THAT HE WILL NO LONGER HAVE TO LIVE A LIE.
"MR. NORRIS' ENTIRE CAREER AS A HOLLYWOOD TOUGH-GUY AND MASTER OF MYSTICAL SPACE-KARATE WAS INTENDED TO PROVE HIS WORTHINESS TO SERVE AS A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN. SINCE THIS IS NO LONGER AN OPTION, HE FEELS FREE TO PURSUE HIS TRUE DREAM OF BEING A PIECE OF FURNITURE.
"HE WOULD LIKE TO ANNNOUCE THAT HE WILL BE STARRING NEXT YEAR IN A NEW BROADWAY PRODUCTION OF BRIDGET JONES' DIARY, AS A RATHER OSTENTATIOUS REGENCY DAYBED."
COBRASAURUS!!!!! TRIED TO REACH THE NEWLY-MINTED QUASI-MAN FOR A DIRECT QUOTE, BUT WAS TOLD THAT HE WAS SUFFERING FROM SEVERE MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL EXHAUSTION, LIKELY DUE TO AN ILL-FITTING BRASSIERE!!
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