DID YOU KNOW THAT COBRASAURUS!!!!! ISN'T JUST THE UNSTOPPABLE TYRANNOJUGGERNAUT REX OF INTERNET AND TELEVISION, BUT ALSO DEMANDS MENTAL SUPERFECTION OF ALL COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN?!! THAT'S RIGHT, WOULD-BE UNIVERSE-STRANGLERS: YOU ALSO HAVE TO MASTER BOOKS!!
BUT NOT JUST ANY BOOKS!! COBRASAURUS!!!!! HAS SCOURED THE EARTH AND BEYOND FOR BOOKS WRITTEN BY THE NUCLEAR TANK COMMANDERS OF LITERATURE!! AND WHEN WE FOUND THE PERFECT VOLUMES TO EXPAND THE RAGING THUNDER-MINDS OF COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN, WE TOOK OUR LEG-MOUNTED SWISS ARMY CHAINSAWS TO THEM AND MADE THEM EVEN COBRASAURUSER!!!!!
THEN, BECAUSE COBRASAURUS!!!!! MEN ARE TOO BUSY BEATING PLATE TECTONICS INTO SUBMISSION AND INSPIRING HERO-WORSHIP IN ALL WHO BEHOLD TO SIT DOWN AND READ, WE GAVE EACH MEGA-DRAGONIC VOLUME TO TOM WAITS, WHO EATS BROKEN GLASS AND DRINKS BROKENER GLASS!! WE SAT HIM DOWN IN FRONT OF AN IMPERIAL OF WARLOCK BLOOD AND A WEREWOLVERINE WITH A MICROPHONE AND TOLD HIM TO READ!! AND HE DID!! BY THE HAIRY GATLING GUN OF THOR, HE DID!!!!!
THE FIRST BRAIN-SPLODING VOLUME OF DEFCON-1 COBRASAURUS!!!!! LITERATURE IS LEO TOLSTOY'S WAR!!!! IT USED TO BE CALLED WAR AND PEACE, BUT A COBRASAURUS!!!!! MAN KNOWS THAT PEACE ONLY COMES THROUGH THE BARREL OF A BAZOOKA THAT FIRES NAZI-PUNCHING DEATHBOTS WITH MORE BAZOOKAS!!
GET WAR!! NOW!! AVAILABLE WHEREVER YOU CAN WRENCH IT FROM THE COLD DEAD FINGERS OF THE WARRIOR-KING OF GORILLA KNIFE-FIGHTERS!!
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